i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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