i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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