we're chasing vodka with high fives
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
