you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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