you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
