Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
