There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
