Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
