Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
