It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
