Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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