I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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