awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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