My liver just broke up with me...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
