I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
