I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sober January is a disaster.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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