i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
