let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
