I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
