i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
