i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
