it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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