In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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