I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she smelled like a LAN party
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
