I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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