she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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