He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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