perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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