I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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