the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
