I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
