it hurts more in the daytime
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
