my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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