stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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