im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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