The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
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