There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
