I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
