So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
