No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
