why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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