I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
