From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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