You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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