I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
