someone get that fucking seahorse.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
