i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
