You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
