Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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