his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
