Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
